Teh Squeaky Wheel
"I see another “bombshell” “game-changer” “pivotal moment” “changes everything” “Trump is done” moment has occurred courtesy of John Bolton. Odd, the timing of this, but there you go."
Heh. Sneaking in first ahead of road trippin’ Rabbit!
Mornin’ Greetin’s all!
I saw what you did there, Sven.
I was up early, but I spent the morning talking, talking, talking to BW before I made breakfast & took off on some errands.
Yesterday was not what we expected at all. (I credit Gerbil prayers). BW woke with a calm, peaceful feeling. We got on the road & she said she just wanted to enjoy the drive. So, we did. No talking about the grave or anything heavy. About halfway there, I realized that my secret impulsive plan to get some flowers (or even a 7-11 rose) wasn’t going to happen, so I let it go.
As we were coming up to the cemetery, we saw a huge flock of vultures circling a barn across a field at the back end of the cemetery. This really bothered BW. She lingered by the car looking up at them while I went to the grave. I had been concerned that the dirt would still be in a “hump” on top of the grave. But the cemetery association had smoothed it down flat, covering both her parents ‘graves with a white, chalky dirt & rock cover. Right away, I noticed two little holes (about fist-sized) that could have been made by an animal or just settling dirt. I kinda kicked a rock over to one, but I missed the hole & didn’t want BW to see me stepping on the grave or digging on it.
By that time, she got there & saw the holes & exclaimed over them. I hurried filled them in made as light of it as I could. Her attention went back to the vultures, which were now circling over us, the barn & the sheep/goat farm on the other side of the cemetery.
I toed aside a few of the smaller rocks to take home to put in the rock garden. Most of what looked like rocks were really dirt clods. And I’m not talking huge landscape rocks. This was just “fill dirt and rocks” that happened to be white instead of “dirt” colored. After some rain, time, and growing grass, it will just melt into the regular ground there.
So, BW didn’t breakdown as she had feared. In fact, she was more concerned about Aunt “Weemaway’s” lonely looking grave and the sadness of a cousin that died age 10. Neither of us felt any presence of TM.
But , for me, standing at the grave made me feel disoriented. The foot of the grave is right on the front row next to the stone and corral -bar fence. I was trying to orient myself from where the tent was at the graveside service and It didn’t feel right. I felt that it had been further back. It was almost dizzying.
BW wanted to leave, but instead we wandered through the others with the family name. Not everyone is in the spot with her grandparents. This was the city cemetery. There are at least two more burial spots with relatives, one is an old private family cemetery on land they owned and one is from the tiny town her Father was from.
So we drove through the whole cemetery and back to the grave. I suggested that she take some pictures. Funny thing, as we were talking this morning, she said the angle was wrong & she cut off the deathdate in all the pictures. She looked at them last night, I haven’t seen them. And I only remember seeing the year on the stone, not the date. But like she says, she has been seeing that tombstone with TM’s name on it for 30 years.
BW was puzzled that she “felt nothing”. I told her that time, plus meds, plus therapy had something to do with that. She wasn’t out of it on pain meds or antidepressants, just not overcome with grief like she anticipated.
So after that, we drove back through Tuna and looked at some of the spots: the Church, the homes of her uncles & the old homeplace. We didn’t stop or contact any of the relatives.
Next we drove into San Saba and went to a charming little park that has a watermill, waterfalls , a swimming pond and ducks. We didn’t have anything to feed them but they hung around us anyway. We chose to take a partially different way home & went through another own that has a family name attached to it. (Not Harkeyville). Again, we didn’t talk about the cemetery at all on the way home, just enjoyed the ride home. We ate a late afternoon lunch at a local Mexican restaurant that has an outpost in Stephenville.
When we got home, BW loaded her pictures in the computer & looked at them right away. That was another unusual thing for her.
So, I guess this visit was a turning point where she can let go of some of that grief and begin to look at other things that she’s going through right now. What a relief & blessing!
I told her this morning that Y’all were praying for her & that I believe that it had an effect on our day yesterday. She wants to thank y’all. As do I.
Now enough about that!
Where can I find that dog and a be partners in a pool tournament?
Sure Happy It’s Thursday, Gerbil Nation!
Good morning, RabBiT, and Sven!
RabBiT -- you came in while I was RaBbiT-typing, so I had to stop and read your post, which makes mine even later. I’m glad you and BW had a good trip. It sounds like BW has turned a corner. Let’s hope and pray that this is the start of better things for y’all.
That kind of loss can be so hard to adjust to. Elena still has a sort of shrine to her mother on her dresser and she replaced her bedside clock with a digital picture frame that changes every 20 seconds and runs through over 500 pictures of her mother. It also has a clock display to fill that function. She has found these things comforting. She liked the picture frame so much we got another one for her father.
I hope the pain eases with time and your support. It must be priceless and precious to her now.
Fortunately, her mother’s grave is close enough they can go every weekend to see her and change flowers, clean the site, etc.
I just read something that my Pastor put in his column in my church’s monthly newsletter that I think a lot of us can apply to our lives:
God gives us the gift of the present. God gives us the gift of each day. And as we live in the present, we have the opportunity to not only remember and honor the past but also hope and dream about the future. We may look forward to the good future into which God is leading us, day by day.