Teh Squeaky Wheel
Maaaan…keeping track of all the gummint scandals is exhausting.
“What a country!
Got a postcard yesterday from a funeral home just down the road inviting us to a “Pizza & Preplan”:
“Enjoy a FREE meal while our expert staff explains your memorialization options, answers your questions and shows you how the decisions you make today will benefit your loved ones for years to come.”
I’m sort of tempted to go.
• If my embalming isn’t done in thirty minutes or less, is it free?
• Is your crematorium wood-fired?
• Does my funeral come with free cheesy bread or cinnamon sticks? Dipping sauce? How about a free two-liter?
• Can I have a cheese-stuffed crust?
• No anchovies!
• Is taxidermy available?
• Do you have a gluten-free option?
Happy Tuesday, Gerbil Nation!
Good morning, Fatwa!
Will they let you try on the caskets for size and comfort? Can you get a discount on last year’s model? What about demo’s and lease-returns?
Can you put a motion-activated speaker on your headstone? Think of the possibilities!
“Take my life. Please.”
“Come on down and see me sometime!”
“You might as well piss on my grave ’cause I’d do it to yours.”
“Why did you interrupt my dirt nap?”
“If I were still alive, I’D BE CLAWING AT THE LID OF THIS FREAKIN’ CASKET!!”
The Axis Powers are committing war crimes again: